Morning Devotional
May 14, 2003
“A Quick Course in Parenting”  
(Part 5)
by Don Emmitte

If you are a Jew, you are relying on God's law for your special relationship with him. You boast that all is well between yourself and God. Yes, you know what he wants; you know right from wrong because you have been taught his law. You are convinced that you are a guide for the blind and a beacon light for people who are lost in darkness without God. You think you can instruct the ignorant and teach children the ways of God. For you are certain that in God's law you have complete knowledge and truth. Well then, if you teach others, why don't you teach yourself? You tell others not to steal, but do you steal? You say it is wrong to commit adultery, but do you do it? You condemn idolatry, but do you steal from pagan temples? You are so proud of knowing the law, but you dishonor God by breaking it. No wonder the Scriptures say, "The world blasphemes the name of God because of you." (Romans 2:17-24 NLV). 

The fourth principle in Christian parenting is that we be a good example. There is no sure way to guarantee that your child will grow up to be the kind of person you would like them to be. The most likely way is for you to be the kind of person you would like them to be. Study after study shows that two things are vital to a child's later independence. First, warmly firm parents who admire each other and on whom the child can model himself or herself while breaking away; and second, opportunities to prove their competence in work and love.  

Discipline comes from being a disciple; both words come from the Latin word for pupil. Children become disciples of parents who enjoy and back up one another; whose mutual respect and ungrudging praise for work well done make children draw a positive picture of themselves. But the approach must be genuine; the young mind is quick to spot the phony. The Transactional Analysis people call this "stroking". Just as a cat or dog reacts positively to affectionate stroking, so growing human beings learn to accept themselves when they are affirmed. If children do not receive enough positive strokes, they will look for negative strokes; any kind of attention is better than none at all. And, by the way, children aren't fools: they'll detect what interests and hobbies have priority in their parents' lives. They'll sense whether devotion to God is of greater or lesser importance than devotion to golf!  

Children learn more from their parents, than from anybody else. A very familiar poem says:  

If a child lives with criticism he learns to condemn...
If a child lives with hostility he learns to fight...
If a child lives with ridicule he learns to be shy...
If a child lives with shame he learns to feel guilty...
If a child lives with tolerance he learns to be patient...
If a child lives with encouragement he learns confidence...
If a child lives with praise he learns to appreciate...
If a child lives with fairness he learns justice...
If a child lives with security he learns to have faith...
If a child lives with approval he learns to like himself...
If a child lives with acceptance and friendship he learns to find love in the world.  

What are you really teaching your children? What you do says much more than what you speak!