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For
the life of every living thing is in his hand, and the breath of all humanity.
Just as the mouth tastes good food, so the ear tests the words it hears. Wisdom
belongs to the aged, and understanding to those who have lived many years.
(Job 12:10-12 NLV). Today we come to the third principle in parenting:
we should be good listeners. The
fifteen-year old anonymous author of "Go Ask Alice", who before she
had lived her sixteenth year became one of America's 50,000 drug deaths, wrote
that her parents "talked and talked and talked, and never once did they
ever hear one thing I was trying to say to them ... if only they would let me
talk instead of for ever and eternally and continuously harping and preaching
and nagging and correcting and yacking, yacking, yacking. But they won't listen
and we kids keep winding back up in the same old, frustrating, lost lonely
corner with no one to relate to either verbally or physically." A few years
ago Time Magazine published an excellent essay, "On Being an American
Parent". In the following issue a college student from Ohio wrote:
"I'm 18 years old, drink whenever I get the chance, have smoked pot, and as
a result of a very eventful Thanksgiving vacation, am no longer a virgin. Why?
Was it my parents or just me? I'm so confused - but who can I talk to? Not my
parents. "My parents could read this and never dream it was their daughter.
My friends must have corrupted me (my mother never liked my friends ... I was
always 'better' than they). "I have only one important plea to parents ...
Listen, listen and listen again. Please, I know the consequences and I'm in
hell." I know the
common protest is that they simply won’t talk! How many times have you tried
to initiate a conversation with the question, “How was school today?” only
to receive the reply, “Fine.” It is as if they do not want to talk to you.
The key is in not giving up with the initial one-word answers! Lead them into
conversation. Talk to them about
your day. There is a caution here: do not use your children to vent your
frustrations. Share with them some of the good things that have happened during
your day. Engage them in conversation and when they talk, listen! Be careful not
to become merely a “fixer.” Relationships between parents and their children
are certainly fragile and require the most expert care. It is a delicate balance
between listening and talking. But remember that the opposite to love is not
hate but indifference. Give your children individual, focused attention. This
will help you really hear the feelings that are often hiding among the words. Most
importantly, don’t give up. Even when it seems that your children are growing
more and more distant from you, don’t quit engaging them in conversation.
Relationships are built and maintained through our communication with one
another. This is especially true as parents.
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