Pride only breeds quarrels, but wisdom is found in those who take advice. (Proverbs 13:10 NIV).

I can’t remember when the first time it happened, but I remember it well. Since then it has happened on several occasions with each of my sons. They have repeated my “advice” to them when they were young back to me now that I am old! I guess that’s a compliment in some ways. They were listening and adopted the wisdom in their lives. Now, it seems to sting a little when I try a shortcut and hear the often quoted words of “If it’s worth doing, it’s worth doing right.” Of course they are right, just as I was right when I first offered that wisdom. However, my pride does not go undamaged when I find myself challenged by it!

And therein is the root of the problem – pride. In order to be wise we must set aside our pride, regardless of our age and the age of those who would be a source for wisdom, and practice the life of constant learning. I like the way Doug Larson has put it: Wisdom is the reward you get for a lifetime of listening when you would have preferred to talk. That’s a lot harder (especially for a preacher) than you might think. Most of the time I find myself thinking of what I will say next, rather than listening to what is actually being said! Now, I’m talking about much more than hearing. Listening well involves five specific steps:

• Listen to understand, not to respond. This step applies to attitude more than it does to behavior. Many people view dialogue like a tennis match where the two parties square off and hit the ball back-and-forth. In this approach to conversation, both parties are adversaries trying to “score the point.” To listen effectively, I suggest that you view dialogue more like a pitcher and catcher in a baseball game. The pitcher (speaker) throws the ball for the catcher (you) to receive it. The catcher only throws the ball back after he has it firmly in his grasp. In other words, listen to receive the meaning.
• Be quiet. Being quiet gives you the opportunity to hear the words, the tone, and the meaning behind the words. It gives you the chance to observe the speaker’s body language.
• Let others finish their thoughts. In other words, don’t interrupt the speaker. I have seen many arguments and misunderstandings that stemmed from interruptions. It’s hard to remain silent. It’s even harder to remain silent until someone has completely expressed their idea.
• Maintain eye contact. Effective listening means observing everything about the speaker’s message. People communicate at least as much with their body language as they do with their words. Good listeners learn to “listen” with their eyes as well as with their ears.
• Ask questions to ensure that you understand. Just because you heard the words and observed the body language, don’t assume that you understand. If a particular point is unclear to you, ask a question to clarify it before you respond.